If you love to regret the past, you need to read this.
Do you like to dig into the past too much only to feel bad about it? Do you regularly get stuck in a only-if-I-had/hadn’t-done-that mode? Do you experience feelings of regret for having done things wrong? Or do you just want to forgive yourself by learning to deal with regrets? By learning to look at the past from a different perspective, you can also change how you feel about it.
The past only exists in your mind
Whether it was choosing to/not to have a child, leaving a job, not starting a business, staying in an abusive relationship, cheating, or not speaking up – you need to realize that that was the best you could do at ‘that’ time. The decision you took at that time in the past suited your circumstances and who you were then. In retrospect, you would of course do it differently, but at the time you acted with the information and life experience that you had available at the time, combined with your fears, desires, environment, upbringing, and experiences learned until that point in time.
Nothing in life is ‘flawless’
Even if you would not like to make mistakes and would want everything to be flawless, it is important to acknowledge – even if you have great difficulty in doing so – that mistakes, blunders, and failures are simply part and parcel of life.
Like all of us, you weren’t born with a crystal ball and if you are a bit like me, then you just muddle on, you try to make the best of it in your own way. Without guarantees! In that sense, life is a journey of trials and errors and there is nothing wrong with that. That’s what it is.
You want to process something that no longer exists
Because wrong decisions are inevitable, there is little point in dwelling on regret or remorse for long, even if the consequences were disastrous. The upside of having regrets is that you feel great initially while feeling bad about yourself and your life: ‘why me’ and all that. However, after some time, regrets become an addiction, creating a vicious cycle of never-ending self-pity that you are unable to get yourself out of unless you become conscious of it and take action against it. How you feel inside of you is what you see manifest outside of you. So, let go of the addiction to regrets and move on to create a better future for yourself and others around you.
Regrets do invite you to do two things. Let’s zoom in on them.
- Regrets provide you with an opportunity to look at your past differently
You cannot undo what has happened but you can change how you look at it. It can be very useful to learn to look at your past from a different perspective. View it as a movie and turn it into an adventurous comedy, for example.
You still play the leading role despite and thanks to your choices so far. You are still there and you choose for yourself how you continue to live and move in your story. Each of us is only here for a limited time, try to look at it as lightly as possible.
- Regrets push you to do it differently from now on
Regrets allow you to use your past to shape your future. Regrets allow you to understand what not to do, for example, or what the long-term consequences of certain choices are.
For example, based on your past experiences, you can discontinue unhealthy habits such as smoking, an overdose of sugar, or consumption of alcohol.
Stop longing for a flawless life
Whether you have regrets or not, don’t long for a life without flaws, it doesn’t exist. Expecting everything to go your way may already be leading you to be unhappy because you may be telling yourself that your life isn’t good enough right now.
Accepting a life with mistakes will not only make you be less harsh on yourself but also make you regret less about the ‘mistakes’ you have made in the past.
Also read: ‘How to get your life back on track when everything goes wrong‘.
