Do you plan to have a difficult conversation with someone? Maybe you are arguing with your partner, or you are in a negotiating situation, or you suddenly find yourself in a disagreement with a colleague. Whatever the nature of the difficult conversation, the conversation techniques of mediation and conflict management offer concrete tools to make the conversation more effective. Use these 5 useful tips for having a difficult conversation.

1. Show genuine curiosity 

In a difficult conversation, emotions can often run high. It does not help to argue or convince the other party. Instead, try to find peace within yourself during the conversation and show your sincere curiosity. Ask yourself questions such as, ‘what moves the other party to want something different from me?’ Reflect and try to reach a constructive conversation based on this curiosity and tranquillity.

2. Prepare the conversation well

As the famous saying goes, preparation is half the battle. Are you going to have a difficult conversation? You need to prepare well! How will you do this? Here are four important questions to consider:

1. What are your underlying interests and needs?
2. What can you offer each other to meet mutual interests?
3. Which essential interests are at stake for your conversation partner?
4. What is at stake for the other party? Here, asking the right questions is crucial.

3. Really listen

Really listening can be challenging. Today with apps, social media, and many distractions, this has only become more challenging. Here, stay focused by remaining curious and asking sincere questions. Ask questions like: “now that I’m listening to you carefully, I understand you’re telling me that… Is that right?” Always remain inquisitive about the message that the other person is trying to convey to you. At the level of substance as well as at the underlying level of their deeper hurt and desires.

4. Allow silence

Not everything needs immediate response or interpretation. Allow silence in the conversation. You will be amazed at how powerful silence can be. For example, asking an open question, which you do not fill in yourself with multiple choice answers will help. Give the other person the space to really speak and share.

5. Look through a different lens

Sometimes a certain relationship, business or personal, is stuck in certain patterns. Do accusations keep coming your way? Choose to look at this through a different lens. The other person may not necessarily be angry with you but with the situation, they find themselves in with you. Therefore, it is important to have a conversation about that instead of focusing on the anger and accusations. This can give a whole new perspective on the situation.

Take advantage of these tips and use them the next time you find yourself in a difficult conversation.

Can’t figure it out together? A mediator/coach can always offer a solution!

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