Self-love, just like love, is something we all need and crave. Where with love we give attention to others we love, with self-love we give that to ourselves. Self-love is essentially loving ourselves unconditionally. We accept ourselves for who we are, including who we are not (in life, career, appearance, relationships etc.). Even though we often try to hide the things we are less happy with in our lives, self-love makes us embrace and experience those very things as they make us unique.

Do you love yourself?

How you love yourself is different for everyone but there are certain things that can tell you that you don’t love yourself enough (yet). For example, do you often engage in negative self-talk or are you very critical about yourself? Do you dread meeting new people? Do you set high standards and regularly compare yourself with others? Do you rarely say ‘no’ to others and do you do everything you can to keep people happy? Or do you hesitate to try new things because you are afraid of ‘failing’? Do you recognize yourself in (some of) these questions and are you now thinking: ‘but why is self-love so important?’ It may sound crazy, but self-love is the foundation of everything we do in life, be it in career or relationships. 

Most of us, especially women, are expected to think of the ‘other’ or to take care of others first. Whether as a mother, daughter, sister, grandmother, aunt, or even as a professional, we often put others’ needs before our own. We are not taught about self-love as children, teenagers, or even adults. As a result, putting ourselves first feels selfish, we feel guilty for taking time out or spending money on ourselves. When we try to set different boundaries and prioritize ourselves, we can encounter harsh criticism from loved ones. Self-love isn’t a norm in the societies we live in, it is related to trauma, and determines everything we do in life, including the patterns of behavior in our relationships, career, and ability to serve important causes.

When we accept ourselves for who we are and establish clear boundaries for our life, we are more apt to live a fulfilling and rewarding life. We automatically surround ourselves with people who add value to our life instead. When we can’t come to terms with who we are, we will wobble in our identity and struggle with our sense of self. This is where we find ourselves surrounded with people who don’t value and support who we are, and who bring us down.

True happiness starts with a solid sense of self, and that comes from being our authentic self and liking who that person is. This is truly the foundation for living an inspired life.

How do you cultivate self-love?

Clothes make the person

Wear clothes in which you feel most comfortable. You can like a clothing trend, but if you don’t feel comfortable in it, don’t wear it. Made a bad buy? Sell ​​it or give it to charity. You will then have a satisfied feeling about it.

Speak positively to yourself

If you don’t love yourself, it’s most likely because of how you view yourself. It’s easy to think about the things that go wrong in life. Try to turn negative thoughts into something positive or think about what is going well. 

Take care of your body

Body and mind are inextricably linked. When you take good care of your body, your mental health will also benefit. Time for a warm bath, a long walk or if you need it: an evening on the couch.

Mistakes as a learning moment

Making mistakes is human and annoying enough. It makes no sense to punish yourself again for this. Behind every mistake is a lesson. See it as an opportunity to learn from it and do things differently next time. Focus on this lesson.

Forgive yourself

Let go of the past, live in the present. Don’t let the past haunt you and deprive you of the joy and strength of the present moment. The past can be a source of anger and resentment, so let go of the things that happened in the past and relieve yourself from any burdens or baggage you are carrying around.

Insecure? Embrace it!

Uncertainty is seen as something that you must get rid of, but uncertainty also has a positive side. When you feel insecure, your brain will come up with something to solve it. This creates a certain tension that makes you perform better.

Don’t compare yourself to others

By comparing yourself to others, you continuously set yourself a high standard. This gives you a feeling of inferiority. For example, you are satisfied with your car, but a friend’s new car is just that little bit nicer. Now you are suddenly less happy with your car. By comparing yourself, you end up focusing on bringing others down instead of raising ourselves up. 

Reflect on what you have achieved

It is good to occasionally reflect on what you have achieved compared to, say, five years ago. Have a conversation about it during a dinner with friends, for instance. Growth is very important to develop more self-love.

Know your limits

Setting boundaries is very important if you want to develop more self-love. To teach your surroundings how to treat you the way you wish, you need to know your limits. People who love themselves guard their boundaries. They know they are worthy of being treated well and can voice that easily.

Live in the now

It is of course good to be occupied with the future and to think about it. But above all, be aware of the now. Enjoy good times and things that are going well. Try to constantly bring your mind to the now and enjoy!