Are you in conflict with yourself? You may be suffering from imposter syndrome! Impostor syndrome is the fear of being exposed, being exposed despite your good performance. In this case, you are convinced that your success is not due to your competencies but a coincidental coincidence. Feeling that you are misleading the people around you becomes normal: you think that people think you are more intelligent and competent than you really are. For example you were hired as a lawyer, but you are convinced that those around you will find out that you are unsuitable for this position. You were only hired because someone else wasn’t available and you were just next in line (you cannot be the first choice). You constantly think: “As long as they don’t see through that facade.”

What are the symptoms of impostor syndrome?

• You work hard and are usually successful, but the successes you achieve and the compliments you receive have little impact. Downplaying your achievements seems better than accepting compliments: “Everyone could have done this”, or: “My contribution really wasn’t that big.”
• You set (unrealistically) high standards for yourself and are your own biggest critic. You think you should be able to do things better than you are now.
• There is often an inconsistency between what lives inside of you and how you present yourself to the outside world.
• You are sensitive to criticism. Because you never really consider yourself good enough, you take criticism personally and sometimes even feel rejected as a person. • Compliments are hard to accept. You downplay compliments or mistrust the person giving the compliment.
• Good results are dismissed as pure luck or as the result of favorable circumstances.
• You usually find it difficult to ask for help, because in your opinion this confirms that you are not competent.

How does impostor syndrome develop?

• Upbringing

For example, if your parents have always praised you as a child because you were the first in the family to go to high school, that is not in line with your self-image and the image that classmates have of you. They’re on the same level, so you’re not exceptionally brilliant to them. This is where it starts … the pressure to continue to conform to that image that parents have. Or the opposite: when your parents are frugal with compliments, feel that things can always be better, and especially give positive attention to your sibling — while you did very well in school — you grow up with the idea that you are never good enough.

• Cultural and social patterns can fuel the imposter syndrome, especially in women

From childhood, women are inculcated at home and in the media, what is socially expected of them, and they are still often seen as inferior.

• Genetic differences in the brains and hormones of men and women

Men make more testosterone and women more estrogen. These estrogens stimulate caring and empathic needs, while the male hormone etestosterone ensures decisiveness and competition. Without going into details, this means that women have a well-developed capacity for empathy, a strong intuition, can work well together, and are careful. However, a side effect is that women are more sensitive to anxiety, depression, insomnia, pain, and worrying.

Source: Vreneli Stadelmaier, author and expert on helping women conquer imposter syndrome.

What does it lead to?

If you suffer from impostor syndrome:

• you are constantly on your toes to keep things from going wrong and you worry a lot about everything that can happen, so you are rarely really relaxed.
• you constantly put off tasks because you are afraid that you will not be able to complete them well(enough).
• sometimes it takes a long time to finish a piece because you tend to keep improving things and you prepare too much.
• your fear makes you perform worse than you are capable of.
• it impacts your self-esteem.
• there is always the fear that today will be the Day of The Great Unmasking. That nagging feeling is bad for your health.

What can we do about it?

Thinking of yourself as an incompetent cheater doesn’t make you any happier. It negatively affects your self-image and your performance.

• Become aware of it

Keep a log and make short notes of the moment you felt like a cheater: what happened, what did you feel, what exactly did you think and what did you do as a result, and how did you feel physically (breathing higher, heart rate increasing, etc.), what happened to your energy and so on. This allows you to recognize patterns and that provides insight.

• Make an agreement with yourself

Your primary response pattern would be to run away or work harder when you feel like a cheater again. Of course, that doesn’t help you. What does help is researching how you can calm down again. You must learn to suppress your primary reaction. Make an agreement about this with yourself.

• Shift the perspective

What would you advise a close friend or colleague in the same situation? What would you say to this person that would make them less doubtful about themselves?

• Practice positive self-empowerment

– If you had no doubts about yourself, what would you be able to do?

– Describe a few success stories from your work and distill your personal qualities and skills from those stories. By recalling your successes, you emphasize what you are good at and what you enjoy doing.

– At the end of each working day, write down three things that went well.

– Keep a log of the compliments you receive.

– Ask at least four colleagues or close friends what they think are your strengths. Save this in a document and read it regularly.

If you want to know about imposter syndrome and how to deal with it through coaching, get in touch with us.